10x YOUR SALES PRODUCTIVITY by Understanding The Dynamics Of B2B Buying Groups

The on demand version of the xiQ, Inc. webcast with Usman Sheikh and Scott Gillum is now available here.

*Warning: this video contains graphic examples of how we’re measuring the wrong things.

The post 10x YOUR SALES PRODUCTIVITY Webinar appeared first on Carbon Design.

by Scott Gillum
Estimated read time: 4 Minutes

Getting Through This Together. Our goal when we founded Carbon Design LLC was not to get rich or famous. It was about doing meaningful work for clients who appreciate it. We don’t apply for awards or recognition that others chase, preferring to focus on the work and making clients happy. It’s why I’m excited to share some of the feedback we’ve received recently. 

Before COVID hit we had scoped a follow on project for a Coalfire, a cyber security firm. Unfortunately, our client’s budget was cut before we got started. Knowing the importance of the project, we did the work for what little of the budget that remained.

We delivered the findings in early June and the week later received a package containing a thank you and a Coalfire branded jacket. They were impressed with the insight we delivered but more importantly they thanked us for our flexibility and partnership.

At the end of the month we receive more positive feedback. 

For years, Tony Anticole and I have worked with the team at Challenger to turn the commercial insight they create for clients into marketing campaigns and assets through a 1.5 day workshop.

With the pandemic, the team had to figure out how to turn an in person session into a digital experience that created the same value…not an easy task. We were generally concerned with our ability to read and respond to the attendees remotely. 

On top of this already challenging scenario the lead person from the Challenger team left the organization leaving the remaining member of the team in a difficult position. She had only attended one other session as an observer. 

Two weeks ago, we delivered the last of 5 weekly (2-3 hr) workshops. Last week, we received the feedback below from the client via our Challenger partner Taeya Sharrock, mentioned above. 

I wanted to pass along feedback from Bassel about the CCS workshops: 

“I thought it was brilliant, Tony & Scott were amazing & did a great job over the 5 weeks. The workshops were thought-provoking – this was the best part, changing the mindset completely. Everyone who attended had really good feedback to share.”

Taeya was also kind enough to pass along the comments below about her experience.  

“Will, I wanted to let you know what a great job Tony & Scott did and how incredibly generous they have been with their time. I know they were only able to bill back a limited number of hours for preparation, but they have been keen to have additional calls/debriefs as we prepared for sessions, and have given a lot of additional brainpower to ensuring the insight was strong enough that we would get to a good end-point.” With David having left before we got into the nitty-gritty of figuring out how to run these sessions, and with only ever having seen one Content Strategy workshop, I have really appreciated all of their help!

I wanted to share these comments because we’re all probably being asked to make sacrifices, do things we’ve never done before, and perhaps, may be getting paid less for it. 

Keep your head up and stay focused. We’ll get through this together but we need patience, flexibility and understanding. Onward! 

Getting Through This Together.

The post Getting Through This Together appeared first on Carbon Design.

by Scott Gillum
Estimated read time: 3 Minutes

I was out for a run this weekend and heard the footsteps coming from behind me. Soon, he was on me, and then past me. At that point I increased my pace as the competitive instinct kicked in when the words “run your race” ran through my mind.

It’s a lesson I learned many years ago while training for 10 milers. After many months of training, planning my race strategy, and setting time goals, I’d be thrown off my pace early in a race, as soon as someone in my age group was passing me.

Chasing them, I thought, was pushing me to a better end result. At least, the competitor in me believed. In reality, it only drained my tank causing me to be out of gas later in the race, resulting in a poor time and disappointment. All the months of training wasted because I ran someone else’s race.

Unemployment is now at its highest level since the great depression which has touched all of us in some way. It’s an incredibly difficult time that can easily be made more stressful by how we now measure ourselves, and our success.

It’s easy to become a victim of the trap I fell into running races. Comparing ourselves to others, feeling like you’re falling behind or being passed by your peers. It’s a feeling all too familiar. In the first 2 years of marriage, my wife and I were laid off a combined total of 4 times.

The first, a month after we put a deposit on a house. By the fourth “downsizing,” my parents were helping us pay our mortgage and my wife’s parents were bringing us groceries.

So first know this, this is not your fault, it’s not something you did. You’ve hit a very challenging and unplanned part of the course.

Second, no one remembers where you started or how many people passed you during the race, only the end results will be remembered. And most importantly, the only thing that matters about the results will be how you will feel about them.

By the third or fourth race, I had developed the discipline to stick to my race plan. My performance improved, but more importantly, so did my sense of accomplishment. I also noticed another thing even more satisfying, the guys who passed me earlier were now being passed by me later in the race.

Our lives are made up of a series of marathons. There are still many miles and difficult stretches of road to cover. Keep your head up, eyes focused forward, and run your race.

The post Run Your Race appeared first on Carbon Design.

by Scott Gillum
Estimated read time: 3 Minutes

Making Working from Home, Work

Barking dogs, crying babies, toddlers toddling, welcome to the reality of working from home.

Since our founding 3 years ago, our teams have been living this life. Here are 3 tips to help you make the adjustment.

• Get used to and learn how to live with working odd hours. If you’re accustomed to a routine of “working hours” in the office, you can kiss that goodbye if your children are at home.

Channel your “inner Gandhi” for patience and flexibility. Work when you can find the calm. Early mornings, evenings, and quiet moments in between.

Managers be flexible on your expectations on deliverables and due dates. You may see your team disappear during a good portion of the day.

• Count on technical issues, unplanned and spontaneous interruptions, and scheduling issues with conference calls.

In fact, you may be better off adopting the attitude that something will go wrong as the default.

• Everyone on camera for video calls…except when someone feels like they don’t want to be.

I’ve seen some posts that organizations mandate it, but the reality of our situation is that you, and/or your home office, may be a complete sh*t show at some point during the day. It happens…and we can deal with you not being seen on a call.

Part II – Now that you’ve been at this for a couple of weeks here are a few other things to consider.

• Wall clock to body clock work hours – You may be aware that your energy level and passion vary based on the time of day, now that you’re out of the office you can do something about it. Instead of reaching for another cup of coffee, go for a walk (and take the dog with you) change your work location — it’s spring now and the weather is great for working outside. Working will become more feel driven than time driven.
• Listen to your body – also by this point you may have noticed that your makeshift office isn’t exactly ergonomically designed. Pay attention to how long you sit and/or have your head in one position. Don’t worry if you forget, your body will remind you the next day.
• Reboot your modem and wireless router – you may have also noticed that your bandwidth has slowed. Consumer Reports recommends rebooting once a month, especially if you have added devices to the network.
• Update your work office – now that everyone is out of it, how could you use this time to your advantage. It could be a great time to paint, reorganize the furniture, update the lighting, etc.

Good luck and stay safe!

Making Working from Home, Work…

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The post Making Working from Home, Work… appeared first on Carbon Design.

by Glen Drummond
Estimated read time: 5 minutes

Can we agree that making good business decisions is getting harder?

For each business, the reasons vary, but we see common themes:

• Volatility: The pace of change of everything (markets, customers, technologies, products and competitors) is accelerating.
• Uncertainty: The accelerating pace of change challenges assumptions about what’s invariable.
• Complexity: The number of stakeholders, variables, and perspectives involved in a decision keeps growing.
• Ambiguity: We’ve become very clever at accumulating data, but having more data does not solve the problem of knowing what the data means.

School didn’t properly prepare any of us for making decisions in this environment. Deductive problem-solving works best in predictable environments. That’s not the world we live in.

Of course, there is no apparent shortage of external help:

• Analysts proclaim their best practices.
• Consultants promote their proprietary models.
• Technologists offer their SaaS tools that aim to automate some choices.

And in their own particular contexts, all of these are, of course, helpful. But for higher-level decisions, “best-practices,” “models,” and “algorithms” share a common liability: they are, by design, reductive.

And so for those early, fuzzy, high-level and massively consequential choices, the question you need to ask is whether the way to make a good decision is to keep eliminating considerations until the right answer appears.

That happens often enough, but is there a better way?

We think so. It’s called: “Possibility-Oriented Thinking.”

The phrase is most closely associated with innovation, but this capacity is one that marketing people should also hone. Put yourself in the shoes of a classic innovator: you’re not yet sure what the product is exactly, or who the customer is yet, or what they will pay, or what exactly your competitors are working on, or who they even are, and when they will make their next move.

The answers are all emergent properties of a system too complex to fully understand. Doesn’t that sound a little like many marketing challenges today?

So what do you do?

The “Possibility-oriented thinking” approach begins with this perspective.

Rather than:

• assuming there is a “right” answer, we assume there are a variety of answers, some better than others.
• assuming that we have the facts required to make the right choice, we assume we don’t, and so adopt an attitude of humility about assumptions and relentless curiosity about new data and possibilities.
• thinking the answer can be arrived at by way of deduction from existing facts, we assume that something new has to be injected into the system, something we imagine; a possibility we conceive, a relationship we speculate about and then explore.
• making ballistic decisions with resources, we think about “Safe-fail” experiments, pilots, & prototypes.
• thinking that the best idea comes from the most expert or highest ranking person, we think the best idea comes from a diversity of perspectives integrated through thoughtfully designed interactions.

What are some of those thoughtfully designed interactions? This comes back to context.

Are you seeking a strategy of differentiation in an established market?

You might consider using the Challenger Marketing framework that has been articulated by Brent Adamson and his former colleagues at CEB, now Gartner, in The Challenger Customer.

Are you seeking a strategy of transformation around the customer experiences you create, or the business model that you create them with?

You might consider using the Basadur Simplexity model for discovering challenges, organizing a map of dependencies around them, and prioritizing the action plans that advance your goals.

Are you creating a new category, or something very close to it, and seeking a framework for decision-making that does not rely on asking an as-yet undefined customer group how they would respond to an as-yet undefined value proposition?

You might consider a program organized around the concept we call “Pathfinding” – an iterative process that involves a rotation between stances – strategic sense-making, research, ideation, market ecosystem analysis, and marketing experiments.

Of course, organizations also look to Marketers to solve narrower more routine problems. If that’s all Marketing stands for and contributes, it does run the risk of being seen as the “arts and crafts” department of the business.

It need not be so.

A marketing organization equipped to provide leadership in decision-processes at those moments when the altitude is high, the problems are fuzzy, and the outcomes really matter – is a marketing organization that produces value far exceeding the narrow chores of “filling the funnel” and managing content.

Building your musculature in possibility-oriented thinking improves your chances of doing so.

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The post Why We’re Bad at Business Decisions…and How to Fix It appeared first on Carbon Design.

by Scott Gillum

The odds of it happening are 1 in 1500 or .0007%, about the same odds of being randomly selected to come onstage at a concert hall. Similar to Courteney Cox being pulled on stage by Bruce Springsteenin his iconic Born in the USA video, of course without the scripting. And now that I’ve dated myself, yes, the odds of this happening increase with age.

Lucky me. I am one of the few to experience a detached retina (and it’s a lot less fun than being at a concert). Making things even more random, I had none of the five leading factors — just cursed, unfortunately, with bad genes. As it became evident, both of my parents are carriers of a recessive gene causing this issue, and my brother (who has also experienced this) and I couldn’t be more thrilled.

Not that there is ever a good time for this to happen, but this past week was particularly bad timing. With a huge pitch the day of my surgery and my daughter’s graduation from college the coming weekend, this was not the week. Adding fuel to the fire, up until this point, I had great eyesight (20/16) with no signs of any issue. Now I was facing surgery, along with a recovery period that is, literally, heads down for the next 7 days.

It all began the weekend before with a bike ride. After reaching the top of a decent-sized hill, I experience a particularly large “floater” in my right eye, which I would learn later, took a piece of my retina with it.

The following day, a dark “curtain” appeared in my peripheral vision. Having said brother go through this a year earlier, I knew this was not good and quickly contacted a doctor. Trust me when I tell you this type of phone call gets the attention of a retina specialist. I was in their office within 15 minutes (run, don’t walk, if this happens).

So, after a failed attempt to hold the retina in place with laser surgery, the curtain reappeared three days later. I returned to the specialist to receive the news that I would have to undergo immediate surgery to reattach the retina with sutures, and a gas bubble would be inserted to hold it in place (I have a bright green bracelet on to prove it). All of which are unpleasant on its own, but are “next level” when it involves your eye.  

Facing a doctor-imposed downtime (again, literally), I set out to make the most of it, but not before planning a nice little pity-party for myself and it was going to be a good one. Because of the restriction on my movement, I was convinced I wasn’t going to make it to my daughter’s graduation. I was headed to a darker place than my lost vision.

Thankfully, a random and timely Instagram DM from a friend sent me on a different path. Bill messaged a link to a podcast of an interview with Steve Gleason. Gleason, who played in the NFL for 8 years with the New Orleans Saints, was diagnosed with ALS (more commonly known as Lou Gehrig’s disease) three years after retiring,

The interview was remarkable. Steve, having lost his ability to speak, used his eyes to put together responses that used a voice bank he created when he was first diagnosed in 2011.  The podcast then led me to the 2016 award-winning documentary about his life. And that’s when my outlook about my own situation changed, dramatically.

“Gleason” is one of the rawest, bravest and most brutally honest movies about living with a debilitating (and terminal) disease I’ve ever seen. It’s also one of the most inspiring. The reaction to his diagnosis and how he chose to live his life afterward is an incredible story.

As a father, it was an emotional roller coaster watching Steve’s relationship with his father, and then his son. His dedication to helping others with the disease as he is losing his battle was, well, saintly — pun intended.

Now, with the pity party effectively cancelled by the inspirational heroics of a man wrestling with an incredibly cruel illness. I was off to conquer my next challenge — stillness. This may in fact have been my biggest concern — resting my eye.

The day before the surgery was my wife’s birthday. I had made plans to take her to a nearby spa. While there, I made my way to the meditation room. Knowing that I may have be immobilized for a period of time after the surgery, I thought I’d work on resting my mind. I lasted 2 minutes, according to my Fitbit.

It was such a concern that I brought it up with the surgeon suggesting that I may need a little help (wink, wink) to take the edge off. He didn’t bite. I was on my own.

Unfortunately, you can’t just hang a “closed” sign when running your own business and I really don’t have an “off” button. Shutting down or slowing an active mind and body isn’t that simple, especially without some help. Alcohol was a no go, walking around with monocular vision was hard enough. I’m tensing up just writing this — and yes, I’m supposed to be “resting.”

Help came in the form of some simple advice from my mom. Recognizing my inability to sit still from an early age, she suggested that I “be easy.” A phase her mother often used with her when she was young.

It’s interesting how often I would hear those two words and remind myself to slow down. Drying my hair with a towel, brushing my teeth, pulling a shirt over my head. All things that I normally would rush through to get to the next task, were now all little threats to the success of my surgery and/or speed of my recovery if I didn’t chill.

The tape covering the patch over my eye made it difficult to open my mouth, so I had to slow down when eating and take smaller bites. All good reminders to “be easy” and enjoy what I was eating. Staring at the floor with my head down for 50 minutes each hour became a natural position to practice humility and give thanks.

God threw me a haymaker (to my right eye), perhaps as a reminder to slow down, give thanks, and “be easy.” I would have been happy to receive the message another way, but it is what it is. What I also learned is that my situation is an opportunity to take stock of how really blessed I am.

My wife is a loving caregiver and we had a home full of supportive family for the graduation. Friends are checking in on me constantly and helping to support the business in my absence. Most importantly, I was able to attend my daughters graduation and my vision is starting to return. Yes, lucky me…a very lucky me.

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The post Lucky Me – The Upside of Looking Down appeared first on Carbon Design.

We really didn’t know what we were doing to start — still not absolutely sure now. All we had to go on was a folder full of research and some insight from a bunch of conversations. What we did know was that something had shifted, really talented people were leaving the “traditional” workplace.

The data point that stuck in our heads was that by 2027 more people will be working independently (for themselves) than for companies. Not surprisingly, Gallup found that 87% of employees are not engaged at work. I personally witnessed this migration in advertising with some of the best talent walking out the door to set up their own shops.

Millennials approach work, and view success, very differently than my generation. They have wholeheartedly embraced “gigging,” with 1 out of 2 engaged in some side hustle. The concept of “work” has changed but few companies have taken notice.

Armed with these observations and information, we launched Carbon Design, a talent platform aimed at providing individuals with an opportunity to work how they want, when they want, where they want, on projects of their choosing. On Halloween, we celebrated our first anniversary. It’s been an interesting and exciting year.

Although our organization is still evolving we’ve learned 3 important things about how work and workers have changed.

The Secret Economy

There is a tremendous amount of under utilized talent in the 9 am to 2 pm economy. In fact, more than 11 million Americans stay at home with their children. A Reach Advisors study found that found 57 percent of moms would like to go back to work at some point.

The people we’ve worked this year have left executive positions at Fortune 500 companies, partner positions at management consulting firms, and leadership roles at big network agencies to pursue their entrepreneur instincts, take care of a sick parent or nurture their children. They seek to work part-time, 20 hours a week and often put in 40 but it’s THEIR choice, and that makes all the difference.

Life-Work Balance

For years, I witnessed co-workers move to part-time after the birth of a child. Eventually, they would end up in my office feeling like they’re weren’t doing a good job being a parent and/or valuable contributor to the team. If fact, they felt they were failing at both, finding it difficult, if not impossible, to balance the demands of work and life.

After spending a year with people who’ve seemingly figured it out, there is a common thread they put the priority on life, and then work. Getting, or having their life in order by focusing on their most important priorities allows them to then use their time efficiently for things they want to do creating both a sense of control and peace of mind that results in happiness.

As Professor Daniel Sgrio of Warwick University found in his research on Happiness and Productivity,  “The driving force seems to be that happier workers use the time they have more effectively, increasing the pace at which they can work without sacrificing quality.”  In fact he found that happy people are more productive workers, 12% more according to the research.

Workspaces and Workstyles  

Last week a colleague and I were onsite with a client. They had just moved into a new location and spared no expense to make it a great work environment. Lots of natural light, adjustable workstations, a cafe, top of the line espresso machines, craft beer on tap, and game area, etc. On our way out my colleague, who I worked with in an open office space with similar amenities said; “I don’t think I could it.” To which I responded, “Do what?” and he said “Work in an office anymore.”

My colleague is not alone in his feelings. Recent research has shown that open office spaces have failed, but that’s not the real issue. Given how unique people are (and their work habits), it seems naive to think that one type of office could possibly make everyone happy and productive.

In fact, more than 14,000 people have taken the online test “Is Your Personality Suited To Working Remotely Or In The Office?”  The test revealed that only 24% of people who work in an office say they love their jobs, compared to 38% of mobile workers and 45% of telecommuting workers.

Additionally, Stanford economics professor Nicholas Bloom fascinating research (and entertaining TedX Talk) found employees working from home were more productive, more engaged and less likely to quit. He debunks the myth that remote workers are less productive. But as Dr Bloom points out in his research, not everyone was happy working that way.

The point is, working in an office, no matter how nice, will only fit the needs of a portion of the employee base. Our network of talent work from whichever location fits their life that day. It could be a shared workspace, a coffee shop or their child’s school cafeteria. Their office is “on demand” requiring no travel.  Now, compare that to the one hour commute (each way) I had last year to get my office. By that math, they’re already 20% more productive than I was as an office worker — and a lot less stressed out!

Pursuing Happiness

What the research and our experience this year has shown is that the tradition idea of work — the M-F workweek, 8 am to 6 pm office hours, in an office are increasingly at odds with creating a productive, engaged and happy workforce.

With the rise of video and cloud based collaboration tools, talent is finding ways to work that better align with their work styles. Instead of bending their schedules around work, they are finding way to flex work around their lives.

For years we have been trying separate our work and our personal life when in reality, they are one thing.The people we’ve work with this year seem to recognize that work, like health, family and happiness, are all intricately tied together.

Getting life right, whether it’s planning your schedule to attend your son’s baseball game on time, or working from home to care for a loved one who’s sick, is different for everyone. Whatever getting life right is, as long as it’s first, everything seems to fall into place.

As educator and author Bob Moawad states; “The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours – it is an amazing journey – and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.”

The post Life-Work Balance and The Pursuit of Happiness appeared first on Carbon Design.

The experience of selling our house has been a good reminder of the importance of goodwill in the negotiating process.

We were fortunate to get a couple of offers on our home. Hearing feedback from our neighbors and realtors, we learned that one couple with young children really loved our home, especially the trampoline in the backyard!

As we responded to the offers we made it clear to the realtor of a family with the young children that we really wanted them to have the house. Our children, now in college, were a similar age when we first bought the house. The neighborhood was a great place to raise kids and we thought it would be nice to “complete the circle.”

And that’s when the trouble started. Our counteroffer made it clear that we were negotiating in good faith trying to meet the couple in the “middle.” Except they didn’t. They stood their ground forgoing the traditional comprise an approach to pursuing a “we win, you lose” stance. As an emotionally charged seller, I can confirm that this tactic did not go over well.

The disconnect was that we were selling a home full of memories which we wanted to pass along to another young family. As the buyers, they were just making a purchase decision at the best price as possible. It was a transaction for them.  And with that, they took out all of the goodwill.

For example, the family was moving to the area from out of town. We’ve lived in the area for thirty years, 14 years in our current location. There are things that would have been helpful to know about our home, our neighborhood and our community. Our children attended the school their children will mostly attend. Played on the soccer fields, and in the school gyms where their kids will play. Insights from a resident on teachers, coaches, neighbors are usually helpful to someone new to an area.

Because they changed the rules of the game none of that conveyed. The relationship had been killed. Think about that when you’re negotiating a business deal. Deals are made between humans so emotions are involved. In the end, you may get your price but at what cost? What goodwill may have been lost? What could the seller tell you that could help with implementation, use of the product/service, etc.

The secret to a good deal is that both parties feel like they gave up something but that they also got something in return. You may feel good about the short-term gain — but by making the other party the “loser” it might cost you in long run.

The post Did Winning the Deal Just Kill the Relationship? appeared first on Carbon Design.

I hadn’t had that type of feeling in 20 years until today.

It was back in grad school. I had a professor who taught a class on entrepreneurship. He was a highly decorated Green Beret who had founded a major manufacturing company after he left the army.

As he regaled us with the story of building his company he mentioned missing the births of his children and much of their early lives. He wore it like a badge of honor, not a lick of remorse or regrets, despite having many years to reflect back.

It was awkward. I’d never seen a presenter so misaligned with an audience, until today.

I just returned from a conference about the future of technology and its impact our lives. Founded by a parent of an autistic child who had gone on an exhausting journey hoping to learn how new technology may be able to improve the child’s life.

The theme, topics, and presentations were from technology organizations that were putting purpose ahead of profits. I heard an eloquent presenter speak on using data and new insight to break the “chain of poverty” and the “pipeline to prison.”

A VR company gave a 3D game demo on how they were using virtual reality to help improve the therapeutic outcomes for autistic children.

And then came the presentation from a global communication behemoth.

Except the presentation wasn’t a presentation. It was a self-center, chest pounding, aren’t we “great” type of speech, which would have been perfectly at home at a technology conference five years ago, but felt totally out of sync today.

We heard about their history of innovation, recent acquisitions, and the billions they were investing in the US. What we didn’t hear was how their incredible technology was going to make our lives, our children’s lives, or our communities better. They lacked purpose.

You could sense the disconnect with the audience, the awkwardness was palatable. It was an uncomfortable feeling, I hadn’t had in a very long time.

Leaving the event, I was thinking maybe it’s just me and the people I associate with who are looking for something more from organizations or…maybe this company, like my professor years before…really doesn’t get it.

The post That Awkward Feeling appeared first on Carbon Design.

I posted this on LInkedIn last month. Surprised by the response, so I thought I’d share it here.

One day you wake up and you’re 50. You’re the old guy you used make fun of because of his lack of fashion sense, various hair issues/challenges, and “dad bod” …before it became cool. What you may have lost in physical prowess you can more than make up with life experiences (the reason I’m given 11 not 10 tips, old guys can do that). Now that I’m that “guy,” here’s a list of the things I wish someone would of told me when I was in my 40’s. I’m no expert, just the guy with the dad bod who has learned some important lessons after the fact.

1. Focus on your fitness – fat and happy, you betcha! Men, the years of feeling like you have to eat what’s left over on the kid’s plate are over. Your job, lifestyle, and offspring have helped you pack on an extra 10-20 pounds (or more) over the last decade. Hit the gym, or the road with your feet or bike. Ladies, it’s time to put the focus back on you. You gave your time, energy and focus to the little ones, but now they’re in school…reserve some time for yourself. Head to the gym, outdoors or both.
2. Reconnect with your significant other – kids can suck the energy out of a relationship, and as good parents, you’re willing let them. You went from “us” to “them” in a flash; make an effort to bring sexy back. Put some intimacy back in the relationship by finding time to reignite the flames that drew you together. Yes, the kids will get in the way, but that can be exciting, find ways to sneak in your “special time.” Think back to your teenage days when Mom and Dad were upstairs.
3. Be who you are – Men, you know who you are now so it’s time to accept it. Embrace your “suckiness” be comfortable with being uncomfortable. Ladies – we love you for who you are, and not who you think we want you to be. Be comfortable in your skin, it’s a turn on.
4. Be completely honest – you’re a grown ass man/woman now, if you have bad news to deliver don’t sugar coat it, get to it. In business, stop telling clients what you thing they want to hear, and tell them the truth. By this point, you’re established in your career and should have the confidence to stop caring about how others feel about you. You might just find that they like you better when you’re giving it to them straight. This is the same on the home front, stop BS’ing and get to the point. It may get uncomfortable, but you’re old enough to handle it the truth.
5. Grow something – it’s time to work the soil. Get out in the yard and put down roots. Use the same nurturing instinct that you’ve developed to bear fruit, literally. Try eating something that you grow everyday in the summer. The satisfaction you’ll feel is well worth the fights you have with deer, chipmunks, and bugs of every variety.
6. See the world – spend your money on travel, and not “things.” There is a diaper load of research that proves the pleasure and satisfaction you’ll get out of travel trumps that of physical things, and it grows in value over the years. Expose your children to the world. You’ll plant the seeds of discovery and exploration that will grow as they do.
7. Eat dinner together as a family – teach your children how to cook, and the art of the conversation. They will understand the value of togetherness, if you make the time. Explore new food, cuisines and culture. If they only want to eat pizza and chicken nuggets – it’s not just because they like it, it’s because you let them.
8. Plan for college now! – even though they may still be in diapers they grow up extremely fast, but not as fast as the cost of tuition. Save now, and plan on saving more than you ever expected. College comes quickly and it doesn’t come cheap.
9. Live beneath your means – the thirties to mid-forties you are typically the “golden years” of income acceleration. As you climb the career ladder, the number of high paying jobs gets smaller, and the pool of available candidates grows. Keep the pace of spending below the pay percentage increase. As your children get older, they become more expensive…travel sports, camps, private schools, etc. Save, save, save…
10. Stay connected – you had college friends, single friends, couple friends, and now friends with kids. Each phase of your life brings with it new friends and a struggle to keep connected with the old ones. Making things more complicated, your work and family schedules will never be busier which means keeping in touch even with family members will be a challenge. You’ve been warned, social media is a nice surrogate, but it’s not a substitute for a phone call…as your Mom will tell you.
11. Teach your child to sell – it could be Girl Scout cookies, a raffle for school or a donation for the fun run, kids need to know that Mom and Dad aren’t going to do everything for them. It helps them learn self-confidence, determination and that rejection is a part of life. Don’t shelter them from hearing “no” it’s an important opportunity to teach them resilience

I’d love to hear what you would add, especially any advice for a guy with hair issues on what to do when he hits the 50’s.

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